Time has passed once again... and summer is here. Beautiful scenery, hot sun shining intensely, light breeze blowing and warm water calling you in. You canīt escape the clutches of summer. Itīs a enjoyable time which connects the ending of something to the start of something new... to the new adventure.

Well... this summer represents to me the connection of high school to university... itīs finally time to take the big step forward... a step towards independent life of adults (which I can say I am not... at least not mentally: I am stuck in between... some of me has grown, some points in life have changed, but I can feel that Iīm still just a kid, who canīt do anything by herself).

Deciding what to do in the future, what to study is quite difficult for me... as always I blame myself being gemini sign: thereīs "two of me" so I canīt decide - both want different things, etc. So now Iīm taking my time and hoping that I can choose what specialty is best for me, what I like.

Another thing that depresses me a bit is that I have to move to another city in fall, because the university is there, but itīs about 200km away from home... it seems so far... all my good friends, family, cat, knowledge of town will stay behind and only memories and pictures to remind them come with me. I hope I can adabt well and wonīt be very homesick, when I arrive there. (Maybe I should take my cat with me... just kidding.)

Oh well... wish me luck with all that. :)

Even though this time of year is very warm and welcoming, bringing nice atmosphere, there are still cold and stormy times that make you wish you could be anywhere else but here.

Well... for as long as I can remember my parents have lived apart... for me as a child it became natural, that father came to visit occasionally, but I have always thought for some reason, that we all lived together, until I was three years old, but thatīs not how it was... thatīs not how it was at all...

While I was cleaning up our living room cupboard, I found my mothers old diaries (some notebooks and planners where she used to write)... She loved my father very much, but their marriage was rocky already after a year or so... he didnīt believe her,  accused her of cheating and later started to cheat on her instead (btw... later he started to live with the one he cheated with, and we got along quite well, but still... It must have been so painful for mom). Some of those diaries where quite depressing to be honest (except for the part where they just met and mostly the time before marriage)... he lied, cheated, berated her, etc. and she cried, thought what she did wrong (it wasnīt her fault) and many times thought even of suicide. Even though there were happy times too, itīs still depressing to read it, seeing it lasted for years (5 years... if not longer) and seeing what my father did to my mother... it just makes me depressed knowing, what my dear mother, who really is the best in the whole world, had to go through alone (she didnīt confide in anyone).

Years have passed and now everything is different... father lives alone in the city (I think he has changed, compared to the him in her writings) and the three of us live near the same city, only few hundred metres outside it. Weīre happy too I guess and fortunately my mom has found someone who really loves and cherishes her and whom she loves and cherishes in return. :)

I just had to get it off my chest... itīs nice to know that I can come here and write whenever and whatever I want and/or need. It really is a great place that I can believe in, even though I donīt frequent it often. :P

At least Iīd like to think so. :)

Hope the summer will be fun and full of warmness... 

Yume