As I thought my visits here are becoming less and less freguent. There is always so much to do or nothing to do at all. And when there's nothing to do, I won't remember that I should write here or if I emember then I'm scared to write here. I know I have written here before already, but I'm still not used to talk...I mean write about myself. I can write here because I know that there is a low possibility that someone I know will read all of this or if will read don't know that it's me. I hope it stays like this...

Oh, I remembered....last year, when I was coming back from work, I thaught of a little rhime (actually it's more like a mini-song...not so good too):

     I wish I could fly across the sky, 
                          and feel the world as bird.
     I wish I could have a different view,
                          and see the world anew.
     A-haha-ha-haha...the su-un.
     A-haha-ha-haha...the wind.
     A-haha-ha-haha...the sensation of flying high in the sky,
     is making me feel good and believe in this world.

And sometime later I thought up something similar to the first one:

     I wish I could fly, like a bird in the sky.
     I wish I could fly, like a bird in high sky.
     Where the wind and the clouds will show me the way.
     The way to where - that I don't know.

So here they are. I hope they are not too bad to put them up here.

Anyway...that's it for today.

Yume

On 29th May was my birthday....I'm finally 18.  Although I don't think it has changed anything, I feel and act just the same as always. Every year I feel a bit tired when I'm celebrating my birthday, this year too...All who come to my birthday are mostly relatives, with whom I don't have anything to talk about and lonelyness comes to my mind. During the party I always slowely move to my room where I'll be by myself and think about various pointless things. Oh well....I'm just tired of being here.

Even though I feel mostly like that, this year my birthday wasn't that bad. I got together with few friends hours before party with relatives and we had some fun in the city. But, oh well, everything good ends after some time.

Yume

Well I did it again...Haven't been here for a month already. I'm always thinking that I'll go tomorrow, but the next day it's the same. Hope I can be more active now, because during this month there has been many things that I would have wanted to write here, but now they have sliped away from my mind. I think there will be many things in the near future that I wish to write here, so I hope I'll remember that there's such a wonderful place for me to go, where I can be myself.

Yume

It's been over a month since I last wrote. Can't believe I did it again... I have tryed to keep a diary or just write down my thoughts in which I would write every day. But that failed and seems like I repeated it in the Internet. I really wish that I could remember to write here if not every day then at least once a week or any time I feel like I would like to write my emotions or actions down. Hope I can do it.

I really love nature, especially sky. In daylight it's light-blue, with white clouds and bright sun. At night it's dark-blue or black, with shining moon and filled with stars as far as you can see. Day and night... it's just beautiful. Especially beautyful is it during the twilight, when a lot of different colors fill the sky and make you feel so special and emotional. At least that's what I think...

Yume

Well I have a three years older brother at home, and the relationship between us is just intolerable. I try to be nice towards him, but he always snaps back. One time he was butting some wires under my door and I asked if I was able to close my door after that, he snapped at me and told me not to ask such stupid questions.....He's always teased me and he's nice towards me only if it benefits him, I just can't stand him anymore. I wish that he'd move out soon.

My aunt has two kids too. A son, who's the same age as my brother and older daughter. Their relationship is always so good. They do things togeather, have same interests, etc. My grandmother always says that, she can't understand how they have such good relationship and my brother and I have such bad relationship. This irritates me too. Why do all of them have to compare us. We are not the same and never will be, that's for sure.

Yume

I know that time is always passing us and it can't be stopped, but sometimes I feel that the flow is too fast and I want to get off that flow. But that's impossible. Time doesn't wait nor listen anyone. Some days just go past so quickly that I start to think that a week isn't such a long time, oh soon is somebodys birthday again, then it's already spring break, after that exams, then summer break and soon back to school. It's killing my nerves and making me restless to realize that all is happening so quickly and I can't do nothing about it.

Yume

Well, I am sick now and have to sit home. I haven't had a dream for a long time and after I see one I wake up calmly every time but today was different. I saw a dream. I think it had two parts, but I remember almost nothing about the first part, except that there were trains, a pregnant woman, something evil and most of the time we were in trains going somewhere. I remember the second part better, but not all of it.

There was somebody beside me all the time, but I don't know who. I never saw him, but I felt that he was there. We were walking near my home on a small hill and some trucks where there, taking something and leaving. There was a lot of people there, but I don't know who. Suddenly my grandfather came to me and told that he was leaving for a while, then sat in a car and drove away. I saw somewhere my mother and grandmother and then we were moving again, down the hill. On the road I met with my classmate. We walked with her to a big tree, which had a door-like thing and somethig in there. She told us that she was living there, because her friend went to USA and left her behind. Then all three of us were moving again. Suddenly it was night and we were going towards my house (I live in an apartmant building) and we passed the street door, when we felt or heard (I couldn't understand that) something on the hill next to my house. We moved towards the street door and saw a lion on the hill looking towards us. We ran through the street door (made from wood and class) into the corridor and lion was behind the door. Other two ran already upstairs behind my apartment door but  I was locking the street door. When I was done I ran upstairs too but I felt something looking at me from not far away. I was trying to unlock my door (I knew that behind it we would be safe) but I felt that something was silently coming towards me. Then I woke up silently and calmly, but at the same time I was scared and shivering a bit.

It's never happend to me before, so I thought I'd write it up, before I forget. I have had dreams about animals being all around my house before (when I was about 4 years old), but this was something different. It felt so real. Oh well, I hope I won't see a continuation for it.

Yume

Today I got home early from school, because I felt sick. After being home for 1 hour I didn't have anything to do and I didn't want to do anything I usually do. Then I suddenly just wanted to help someone to do anything and I started doing some changes in the internet pages like wikipedia, to be of some help to others who need information in Estonian. Hope it was somewhat helpful.

Yume